I'm writing a book, does this sound okay?

I think it depends on your target group. If you are looking for late high school and early college goers then you should be able to work this. You may want to let a girl in that stage read what you have started. It sounds similar to what my cousin (first year at college) likes to read. It doesn't hurt to work on a piece, just don't get stuck on one or two details. Keep writing and you can always adapt and edit later.